Not Food: Processed Meat Recall Edition

Listeria outbreak! How do you know if what you're eating might be processed foodstuffs? Do the words on the packaging even remotely sound like food? Among the many gems on the extensive recall list are:

- Maple Leaf Ezee Sub Dagwood Yeah...not food.

- Foodservice Meat Institution-grade no-frills protein.

- Shopsys Old Vienna All Beef Salami This sounds like the creepy old octagenarian next door who's always staring at you through your window.

- Boston Pizza Slow Cooked Shaved Roast Beef Just pause and say those words slowly in your head. How do any of these words go together?

- Generic Compliments Cooked Ham The ham? It was ok. Give my generic regards to the chef.

- Burns Burns Regular Summer MP 3's I can haz mixtape now now?

- Mr. Sub Corned Beef 'Cuz when I want corned beef, I think of Mr. Sub.

- Coorsh Smoked Meat Issh schmoked schmeeesh, of coorsh.

- Equality Cooked Ham Gender parity meat means either sex has equal opportunity to contract listeria poisoning.

- Sub Delicious Meat Pita Sandwich Twist Is it a pita? A sandwich? A twist?

- Sub Delicious Belly Buster Club Sub This sounds painful and less-than-yummy.

- Needs Clubhouse Sandwich on Ciabatta I got needs. Ciabatta-related needs.

- Burns Bung Bologna I kid you not.